The world has never been more confused about what it means to be a man. This past Sunday, Pastor Chip continued the Counter Culture series with a message from Ephesians 5 and 6 that was one of the most direct and personal he has preached all year.
The Crisis No One Wants to Talk About
Pastor Chip opened with a striking set of statistics. 70% of gang members come from fatherless homes. 63% of youth suicides come from fatherless homes. 85% of children with behavioral problems come from fatherless homes. 90% of all homeless youth come from fatherless homes.
He was not reading those numbers to shame anyone. Many men in the room grew up without a father. Many are doing their best with what they were never given. But the numbers reveal a crisis that the culture refuses to address honestly. When men abandon their God-given role, the fallout is generational.
The world has replaced biblical manhood with two broken alternatives. The passive man who checks out, buries himself in sports or screens, and lets his family drift without leadership. The aggressive man who leads through intimidation, anger, and control. Neither one is what God had in mind.
Jesus is the model. He was the most courageous man who ever lived. He wept at Lazarus’s tomb. He tenderly restored Peter after his failure. He was equally comfortable with a child in his arms or a whip in his hand clearing the temple. Strong and gentle at the same time. That is biblical manhood.
What God Says a Man Is
Pastor Chip grounded the message in Genesis 1 and 2. When God created Adam he gave him three things immediately. A purpose. A partner. A problem to solve.
The purpose was to work and keep the garden. The word for work in Hebrew means to serve. The word for keep means to guard. From the very beginning God called men to be servant leaders and protectors. Not tyrants. Not cowards. Servant leaders who protect what God has placed in their care.
The partner was Eve. God said it is not good for man to be alone. He did not create Eve because Adam needed a cook or a housekeeper. He created her because the mission required her. She was not a lesser being. She was a co-image bearer of God. Man and woman together reflect the full image of God in a way that neither one does alone.
The problem to solve was the serpent in the garden. Eve was not alone when she was tempted. Genesis 3:6 says she took the fruit and gave some to her husband who was with her. Adam was standing right there. He did not say a word. He did not step in. He did not protect his wife. He let her take the hit while he stood silently by.
Pastor Chip called it what it was. The first act of male passivity. The first abdication of leadership. The first abandonment of the protector role. It has echoed through every generation since. But Jesus, the second Adam, did the opposite. He stepped in. He took the hit. He laid down his life. That is the model.
The Husband God Is Looking For
The central passage of the message was Ephesians 5:25-33. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
Pastor Chip said plainly. That is the most demanding verse in all of Scripture for a man. Because Christ loved the church sacrificially, unconditionally, and permanently. There were no conditions attached to his love. He did not die for the church because she had it together. He died for her in her mess.
He walked through four ways that a husband is called to love his wife the way Christ loves the church.
Sacrificially. Your wife’s needs come before yours. Not because she demands it but because you have chosen to lay your life down for her the way Jesus laid his down for you. Pastor Chip asked every married man in the room to think about one specific, concrete way they could sacrifice for their wife this week.
Sanctifyingly. Ephesians 5:26 says Christ loved the church to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing of water with the word. A husband’s love should be drawing his wife closer to Jesus, not further away. He asked every man in the room, is your wife more like Jesus because of who you are to her?
Nourishing. Ephesians 5:29 says no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it. The word nourish means to raise up, to develop, to help someone become what God made them to be. A husband should know his wife’s gifts, her dreams, her callings, and be the biggest advocate for all of them.
Permanently. Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. A contract ends when one party fails to deliver. A covenant says I am not going anywhere. Pastor Chip was honest that many men in the room have walked through divorce and are carrying pain and guilt. He was not there to shame them. God redeems. But the design was always permanence.
The Father God Is Looking For
The second half of the message was about fatherhood. Ephesians 6:4 says fathers, do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Pastor Chip broke it into three parts.
Do not provoke. He listed the ways dads provoke their children without meaning to. Broken promises. Comparing them to siblings. Criticism without affirmation. Anger as a primary emotion. Emotional absence even when physically present. Favoritism. These things damage children in ways that take years to undo.
Discipline. The word discipline in this passage is the same root word as disciple. You cannot separate discipleship from discipline. Children need boundaries, correction, and consequences. Not out of anger but out of love. The goal of discipline is not compliance. It is character.
Instruction of the Lord. This is the piece most Christian dads leave to the church. They drop their kids off and assume the Sunday school teacher will handle the spiritual formation. But Deuteronomy 6 says the spiritual instruction of children belongs first and foremost to the home. When you wake up, when you lie down, when you walk along the road. The church can reinforce it. Only the dad can do the daily work of it.
Pastor Chip shared something deeply personal. He told his dad at fifteen that he wanted to be a pastor. His dad looked at him and said, Chip, I believe that with all my heart. His dad was not a perfect man. But those words landed in his soul and changed the course of his life. One sentence. One moment. One dad who paid attention.
He closed with a challenge to every man in the room. Text or call one of your children today and tell them something specific you love about them. Something you see in them. Something you believe God is doing through them. You have no idea what that moment might do in their soul.
There’s a Seat for You
Whether you are a man trying to figure out what God actually made you for or you are someone who loves a man who needs this message, you belong here. We are a church that believes biblical manhood is not about power or performance. It is about love, sacrifice, and showing up for the people God has placed in your care.
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