Half of American adults are single. The Church has not always known what to do with that. This past Sunday, Pastor Chip continued the Counter Culture series with a message called Biblical Singleness from 1 Corinthians 7 that he said challenged and changed his own thinking more than any other message in the series.
The Church Owes Singles a Better Message
Pastor Chip opened by naming something honestly. Forty-nine percent of American adults today are single. Fifty-one percent are married. Yet churches often talk about marriage far more than they talk about singleness, and single adults can walk away feeling less than.
He was direct about it. When a church elevates marriage above singleness, it has drifted from Scripture and picked up something the culture handed it instead.
He then listed the lies the culture and even the Church have told about singleness. That it is just a waiting game for marriage. That it is a disease only healed by marriage. That it is inferior to marriage. That it is a season to sow wild oats. That it is a curse while marriage is the blessing. Every one of those is false.
The context of 1 Corinthians 7 makes this even more pointed. In Rome at the time, single adults were taxed and fined for being unmarried. The religious community would tell singles that their bones were cursed by God. Into that world, a single man named Paul wrote about a single man named Jesus and showed how God redeems, restores, and uses the single life every bit as much as the married one.
Singleness Is a Gift from God
First Corinthians 7:7 says Paul wished everyone were as he was, but each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. He is talking about the gift of singleness and the gift of marriage.
Paul elevates both. Both have value. Both have purpose. Both carry God’s favor.
The single life is a gift because it allows a person to wholly devote their life to Jesus the way Jesus Himself did, living on gospel mission with undivided attention. The married life is a gift because marriage reflects the Gospel, picturing Christ and His bride, the Church.
The Greek word for gift here is charisma. It means grace, an unearned blessing, the undeserved favor of God. It also carries the idea of supernatural enablement. If God has called you to marriage, He gives you what you need to be a godly spouse. If God has called you to singleness, He gives you what you need to enjoy it, live for Jesus in it, and bring value to His kingdom through it.
Pastor Chip compared it to Christmas gifts from grandparents. One grandparent gave the fun toys. Another gave something functional, a pen or a tool. The toys were only good for a little while. But he still has every tool he was ever given, because tools are useful for a lifetime. Many people treat singleness like a toy, a season just to play. Scripture treats it like a tool, something to be used for the kingdom.
He also pointed to Isaiah 56:5, where God says He will give within His house and walls a monument and a name better than sons and daughters, an everlasting name that shall not be cut off. No one can bless your life like God can. If you are married, your blessing is in Jesus, not your spouse. If you are single, your blessing is in Jesus, not in anyone else.
He then walked through single people God used powerfully. Jesus. Paul. John the Baptist. Daniel. Nehemiah. Mary of Bethany, who anointed Jesus before His death. Mary Magdalene, the first eyewitness of the resurrection. Lydia, who housed the first church on the continent of Europe. Phoebe, who carried Paul’s letter to Rome. Dorcas, who cared for the poor and needy.
Singleness Is a Direction to Discern
Sometimes singleness is a season. Sometimes it is for a lifetime. The work is discerning which one God has for you.
Pastor Chip shared his own story. He married at thirty-six. During those single years he served as a pastor and poured his entire life into making disciples of teenagers, many of whom are pastors and missionaries today. Yet he always sensed God was calling him toward marriage eventually.
He also shared something that convicted him during his study this week. He had been praying every night that God would give each of his children a godly spouse and a godly family. Then the question came to him. What if God’s plan for one of them is not marriage? What if it is a life of singleness?
That changed the prayer. His first prayer for his children is now that they would follow Jesus with whatever plan God has for their life, married or single.
For those in the room who sense God calling them toward marriage, he gave five stages. Become the right person. Desire the right person. Meet the right person. Date the right person. Marry the right person. It starts with becoming the person your future spouse is looking for. These are not a formula that obligates God to deliver a spouse. They are a path of faithfulness for anyone who senses He is leading them toward marriage.
First Corinthians 7:39 says a widow is free to marry whom she wishes, only in the Lord. That phrase applies to every single believer. You are free to marry, as long as that person belongs to Jesus. Second Corinthians 6:14 warns against being unequally yoked with unbelievers. You are not looking for a good person. You are looking for a godly person.
For anyone already married to an unbelieving spouse, Pastor Chip was clear. Scripture says do not leave. Love them in a Christlike way so that, Lord willing, they come to know Jesus.
He also gave practical dating counsel. Do not read dating books. Read marriage books, because your goal is not to be a boyfriend or girlfriend. Your goal is to become a husband or a wife. Men, initiate. Have a face to face conversation. Ask her on an actual date. Show up on time. Walk to the door. Pray before the meal and pay after the meal. Ladies, notice whether he is leading, because a man who will not lead in dating will not lead in marriage.
He also laid out the order a relationship is meant to follow. Spiritual first. Then social. Then emotional. Then married. Then sexual. The world flips it entirely, starting with sexual and leaving spiritual for last, then wonders why the foundation cannot hold. For anyone whose relationship was built backwards, he offered grace. God loves to re-engineer a relationship and make the spiritual the foundation again.
Singleness Is a Calling to Live
First Corinthians 7:17 says let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him and to which God has called him.
Singleness is not a calling to wait. It is not a calling to suffer. It is a calling to live. Marriage is an assignment from God. So is singleness. God calls people into the life He has ordained for their good, their joy, and His purpose.
Pastor Chip paused for a pastoral moment here. Some people are single not by choice. Divorce. Abandonment. The death of a spouse. To them he said clearly that God is not done.
Colossians 2:10 says you have been filled in Him, in Jesus, who is the head of all rule and authority. Not your spouse. Not your children. Jesus is the one who completes us. No one else can make you whole the way He can.
He shared the Japanese art of kintsugi. When a porcelain vase shatters, a master of that art gathers every broken piece and mends them back together with gold. What is restored is said to be stronger than it was before. When your life feels like it has fallen apart, only Jesus can pick up the pieces and put them back together.
Singleness Is a Devotion to Love
First Corinthians 7:32-35 describes the practical advantage Paul saw in singleness. The unmarried person is concerned with the things of the Lord and how to please Him. The married person is rightly concerned with pleasing their spouse as well, and their interests are divided.
Paul says he offers this for their benefit, not to restrain them, but to promote good order and secure their undivided devotion to the Lord.
The word devotion means to sit closely and constantly beside someone. It is the picture of Mary sitting at the feet of Jesus while Martha hurried about with everything else.
Whether single or married, the point is the same. Our ultimate devotion belongs to Jesus. He does not want us wasting any gift He has placed in our lives. Do not waste the gift of marriage. Do not waste the gift of singleness.
Pastor Chip closed with John Piper’s message to forty thousand college students. Piper described reading about a couple who retired early to Florida to cruise, play softball, and collect seashells. He called that the American dream, and he called it a tragedy. He then described two elderly single missionary women in Cameroon who poured out their entire lives for the Gospel and died in a car accident. Was that a tragedy? No.
The tragedy, Piper said, is standing before Jesus on the day of judgment holding out your hand and saying, look Lord, look at my shells. Look at my boat. Look at all my fun.
You were not bought with the blood of Jesus Christ to collect trinkets. Pour out your days for what will outlive the grave.
Live It Out
This week, ask God to show you what He wants to do with the gift He has already given you. If you are single, stop treating this season as a waiting room. Ask the Lord what undivided devotion could look like in your life right now, and take one concrete step toward it. Serve somewhere. Disciple someone. Go on mission.
If you are married, thank God for the gift of your spouse and then examine your devotion. Is Jesus still first, or has He slipped behind everything else?
For all of us, look around at the single adults in this church and make sure they know they are loved, welcomed, and valued here. Invite them into your home. Include them in your life. The Church is made up of people God has called and gifted, and every one of them belongs.
There’s a Seat for You
Whether you are single, married, widowed, or divorced, you belong here. We are a church that believes your value is found in Jesus, not in your relationship status, and that God has a purpose for your life right where you are.
Plan Your Visit and come find your place here. Or take your next step and Get Connected with our church family. We would love to walk alongside you.